If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
hey quick question, what would you consider to be a "first date" porn?
its like the body should be a temple but we treat it like a kmart
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
Awkward, walking to my bootycall's hotel room and run into my dad leaving his. Just nodded to each other and went on our ways
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
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