Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
i saw like six of her guido cousins in the jersey shore trailer alone. her family is having a dinner party for the premiere tonight.
So I've come to the conclusion that I would cry if I had an ugly baby.
are any of them hardcore sluts...just absolute worthless human beings? if not the paper wins
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
I really wanted to suck your dick, but I also didn't want to miss any of the movie
Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
My ex's new girlfriends ex boyfriend is getting me my nipples pierced for Valentine's Day so who's the real winner here
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
Don't Richard Nixon her vagina
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
Randomize
