she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
I just withdrew $200 in ones. I think the teller knew what was up
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
No fucking idea. Just paid for my chipotle in chocolate coins, though. Either there is a huge language barrier happening here, or my big boobs are finally paying off.
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
THE BIG GAY MAD HATTER IS HERE AND HE HAS DRUGS IN HIS PANTS FOR YOU. COME DOWNSTAIRS BITCHEZZZZ
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
Had sex with one of the guys from Ireland. Celebrating st pattys early.
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
We blew shit up to. With a cannon.
Can I use your boat
Also, what’s the deal with international water? Do they have signs out there like a city does or do I need a map?
WTH is going on? It’s the middle of the night
Randomize
