Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
If she's telling you consent laws theres probably a reason
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
Would be in best interest to sanitize the DVDs
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
Oh god I want to come home! They have an air raid siren here that alerts their neighbours across the desert it's time to come over on atvs and drink.
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
The only thing good about being back at work is the lunch time hand jobs from the MILF
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