remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
sitting in an airport in detroit. just saw a commercial for detroit tourism with kid rock as a spokesman. reason # 1458 to never visit this city.
I fucking love fucking science majors-- she told me that she wanted to know if her gag reflex got better or worse with alcohol, and that her initial evidence had been inconclusive. So, next few weeks, yeah, gettin blown periodically. All I have to do is keep a log.
my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
AND FUCKING MGMT JUST CAME ON. CAN I GO DROWN MYSELF IN LESBIANS OR SOMETHING? IS IT TIME TO LESBIAN
we're fated to lesbian
soon, soon....
I don't believe you anymore. You're like the boy who cried coitus.....
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
Is posting a pic on insta of my previously dyed blue pubes socially acceptable?
He is a sex God. It lasted more than an hour, and I don't remember how many times I came. I lost count at 57.
No, it's like a legit blood drive. It's not just her out in some parking lot with needles and ziplock bags
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
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