What happened to our ballroom dancing plans
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
I just met the neighbor hes a self proclaimed coke dealer/ softporn producer.
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
Fighting the urge to throw up all over my little brothers jr high basketball bench. Welcome home aaron
She got drunk on the air plane and pretended to be an elephant for an hour...Atleast the kid behind us enjoyed it.
then he grabbed my tit and yelled "FOR NARNIA!!" then dove into my vag. i think I will do him again strictly for the entertainment value
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
I've amended my previous statement: I'm not allowed to put in my two weeks till I ask out the waitress. Now I have motivation on two levels
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
Randomize
