That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
We had sex in his tahoe, talked about how we don't love each other and then high fived twice. Best Day Ever
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
Trust me I was high for like 5 years...I got this
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
That guy is like a clown car of sexy. Just when I think I've seen it all, THERE'S MORE.
AND SOME IN THE TRUNK.
Just introduced myself to a group of people and one dude said "You're Marc!? I've heard many a legend of you." I raised bottle of champagne, said cheers, and drank with them.
There is a midget in cheetah face paint on a leash here
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
ill be home in an hour. Be in my bed ready for disappointment
We shall need something stronger. Anal lube, the blood of a giraffe, and a bay leaf should do the trick. Make the paste and cover your left knee and anus in it.
he offered to let me fuck his brother , of course im marrying him
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