Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
Totally saw a hot amputee. I think this is called character growth.
Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
I only put bad things in my body...jack, caffeine, chocolate, pills, and rich's cock. It's like being holistic but exactly opposite
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
These last 48 hours have just been about deleting my most recent snap story
Update: tequila girl had her hand down groomsmen pants
Yeah, he threw a chair and hit her in the side of the head. She started hysterically crying and then proceeded to continue kicking our ass at beerpong. The girls got talent.
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
Last night was fun but it wasn't right. I will say that our lives intersected for a brief and intense moment and we will just leave it there.
Randomize
