You're so nebulous sometimes
I faked an abortion last night.
Can Purell be used as lube?
how's this sound. You, me a box of pink franzia and a night full of possibilities in your basemen. I'll be me. You be you. And we'll see where it goes
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
all im saying is that if he was a normal person, he would have fucked me by now.
If it carries over into the weekend I would be glad to nurse your vagina back to health.
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
I SWEAR TO ALL THAT IS HOLY I HAVE NEVER WIPED MY GENITALIA ON ANY TYPE OF EMERGENCY RESPONSE VEHICLE!!
just found the "let's take a picture before we do these roommates" before picture
thank god there was never an after picture.
you had her IN YOUR BED NO PANTS AND YOU GAVE HER THW BOOT?!?!?!
Stage five clinger bro. had to go.
Randomize
