Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
Now I'm watching The History of Sex on the History Channel. They're talking about how repressed the 30s were. I think I understand why grandma is such an angry person.
we should become lesbians. not together. just in general.
Quiet hours sex sucks. I hate finals.
Watching the gap toothed girl get more ass than me is almost devastating.
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
I just watch that 70s show all day and blaze whenever they do. It's nice being part of the circle
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
does doing it on an automatic sink count as shower sex?
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
My vagina is officially offended.
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
I woke up only wearing a Breaking Bad "Los Pollos Hermanos" apron he got from Loot Crate next to a 3 empty bottles of Zima,Jolly Ranchers, and a jar of coconut oil. Fernet is one hell of a party starter
A girl I had a drunken hook up with is on interventon right now
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