I think getting shot is the thing to do in Brooklyn
It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
I JUST GOT MY PERIOD AND MY VISA FOR LONDON GOT APPROVED! BEST DAY EVER!
it was frightening. in my opinion the only thing that should resemble a vagina is a vagina.
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
He slapped my ass and his clap-on light turned on.
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
you're the third guy in less than 24 hours she fucked. I'm glad you lost your virginity just don't act like you climbed Mt. Everest.
Also not to brag but I got high last night and got us a host family in a chateau in the south of France
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
our moms work together...I can just see the conversation now, hey your daughter ruined my sons marriage, that's probably how it will start.
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
Randomize
