I mean, he's dancing back and forth between pathetically sad and massively fucking creepy.
things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
last night i found out that my 11 year old cousin used me as an example of what not to do in her D.A.R.E. speech. awesome.
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
This place smells like bottom shelf liquor and broken dreams
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
Just did it in a room with glowing stars to Peter Gabriel's down to earth on shrooms. This is like god
She was so happy for me that she insisted I fuck her with my Bills jersey on. THAT ACCOMMODATING
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
Sorry. Im too sleepy to penis.
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