So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
Got a basket, 50 condoms, some candy, 100 plastic eggs & my bunny costume. Campus will feel my wrath in 2 weeks
At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
I think I've lost the thrill of being a slut. It's just that the newness has worn off, I think.
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
Honestly I don't even have room for feelings after that Taco Bell
According to Joseph, last night I crawled into bed and told him to pretend I'm his French maid, and then started speaking with a German accent, and referring to his manbits as "ze greatest Weiner schnitzel I'd ever seen". Basically, last night was a roaring success.
I could see the visible disappointment when she saw my penis
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