Fake titties should be able inflate and deflate like tires. So on Saturday you can put on your Double D hooker titties or Sunday put on your size B church tits.
I love reading their "i love you more" , "no i love you more" war on facebook today knowing that he hooked up with me last night. I bet i know who wins that one.
I like to think of it as a lesbian feast.
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
It's a "party harder or raise your standards" kind if night.
So much rum. So many feels.
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
You're like a care bear with a big cock & a sexual prowess that would put the mighty Thor to shame.
Randomize
