11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
Just turned elections for the sorority into a drinking game. Right on.
I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
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