I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
9 of the 12 girls i had sex with in college are on facebook
it was an ugly road back then. i'm sure time hasn't been friendly.
Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
90 persent of me said don't pee on that fake plant. Buyt i did
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
He pulled his pants down and said blow me, while passing out on my bed. I then pulled his pants up as he continuously started moaning in the background.
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
high moment I think I just reached personal nirvana
I'm pretty sure our sex is better than most foods and that says a lot too bc I really like food
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
Everytime I give him head I make him rub my back. Teamwork at it's finest.
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