At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
New pre-game routine....wal-mart bathrooms...quality beers for free...hallelujah
Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
I plan on offering nudes to any guy that wants to give me notes from the past five weeks of class
His little brother walked in on us. Six times.
You guys seriously fuck to bieber? That's embarrassing...
Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
I think your dick broke my retainer, I normally wouldnt care but my orthodontist died and I don't want my first appt to be blow job broken retainer with a new ortho.
I would rather her be sleeping with someone new than getting to go Harry Potter world before me...
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
What do you think would be the best way to remove a baby carrot from a vagina?
Randomize