you can still come hang out if you want
I really don't feel like watching you play video games
im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
She saved the condom from the first time we did it.
I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
They poured beer (3 cans) down the toilet so bubbles can be drunk in fishy heaven
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
No later than 4:00 ok - I'm tying my viagra high into a superbowl halftime showstopper. Ya, you might wanna look away for that
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
I'm just gonna put on a documentary and throw up
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
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