so high. i feel like my whole body is a boner
Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
And when we woke up we made beer pancakes. Great start to a family picture day.
drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.
Apparently after awhile self preservation trumps libido. This is new news to me.
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
Wanna see if we can get cut off at bdubs again? The same hipster manager that is younger than us is working again
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
Randomize
