I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
that was the first time i tried it. why is it all sticky? its like somebody threw a glue bottle at my face.
So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
my mom said i couldn't bring cigarettes cause it was a family trip, which was really irresponsible of her because now i have to walk around the beach drunk trying to find someone with cigarettes.
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
I just got licked by a stripper, not so great anymore.
Would it be inappropriate to rub one out in the gym shower? I mean, technically, I pay $80 a month to do what I want so could they really say anything?
Shower is fine. Steam room is shady. I've probably done both at one point in my life so I can't be used as a good reference.
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
Just remember that no one else gets to suck his dick but you, feel honored. It's like the Olympic torch of life is being passed off to you and it's your time to run
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
Randomize
