I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"....successful drunk Christmas shopping
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea
That kid i sell weed to just had his mom give him a ride over here she waited in the car while he bought a bag
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
We could get her a gift basket of Xanax l
Get your ass back to America. We've got a lot of drugs to do.
I'm using emojis for drug deals now. It's time to kill me.
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
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