He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
A female Wisconsin fan just headbutted the bouncer. Im deeply terrified and oddly aroused at the same time.
You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
It was ok at first, but now im getting freaked out by him jerking off to me doing yoga
We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple
Operation Purity has been aborted
I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
My ATM looks so different sober.
I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
No, I don't just love you because you have big boobs. I just wouldn't visit as often.
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
Randomize