Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
yes i saw that this morning. it was my mailbox.
he threw mangos from the tree he was in at people and got arrested for harassment
two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
so we have officially lost him as of 7 hours ago.. already called campus security, the drunk tank and the hospital. figure he'll turn up eventually..
i'll start checking the bushes on campus.
Hey everyone. This evenings celebration will commence with a cocktail hour at genghis at 830 to be followed with an upscale dining experience at taco bell at 10. All are welcome. This is not a joke. Thank you
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
Dick sucking on arrival? or would you like to cash that in later?
Just got road head. In broad daylight. On the interstate. During rush hour. Pushing the envelope one public bj at a time.
I threw up in the shower. I cleaned it all up and there is on mess at all. This hangover has become borderline religous. Powerful and life changing.
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
How do you teach a grown ass men how to fuck? Why is good sex so hard to find these days?
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
Randomize