got some bad news about ur virginity. she didnt make it thru the night
he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
this is two weekends in a row I've been the pantsless girl at the party. I love my social life.
Well, technically I had a shirt on, it was just around my waist.
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
So the doctor told me that I am starting to showing the early signs of liver cirrhosis. Thank you Jack Daniels for making the first 26 years of my life awesome.
Trust me. I don't get home before 5am. I know what Immmm doing. BTW bail money is in my closet. PEACE
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
Randomize
