Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
No she hasen't showed up to my place yet, last I heard she was puking as she was walking without stopping near the park.
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
He put those pics of him with those girls on facebook and tagged his wife in them
Tequila 1 marriage 0
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
I might go bald with this hair pulling thing every night.
My mom found my empty case that I hid in my room and just said "now why don't you be a responsible underaged drinker and throw it in the recycling" and walked away. I'm in shock.
Man, I'm never going tanning again he noticed the burns on my ass
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
Randomize
