I will die if light touches me.
Heard at work: Get out of my face before I cuntpunch you so hard your granddaughters have miscarriages. I love my job.
I'm moving there. Get me hired.
She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
I take back everything bad I said about that song party in the usa. There's just something about seeing a cross dresser lipsing it that makes a song sooo much better.
I feel like I should I write an apology note to the frat for falling down stairs, passing out on the couch, and chugging the entire bottle of burnetts at semiforml last weekend. Apparently I was the main topic of discussion at their chapter meeting last night.
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
she said she's never had and orgasm AND she's a cubs fan...ouch.
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
Randomize
