If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
I had to physically hold you down to stop you from going out the window naked. You put up quit the struggle.
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
Move ovrr Titanoc and all you others. Heres the real tale of woe. This ladys failed search for boozdy goodnezs.
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
Yeah yeah I know I have to bring your dog back.
what the fuck happened to the tacos
Randomize
