everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
I doubt the Taliban would support fake nipples.
Ya but I plan to getting arrested more towards the end of summer
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
It really does creep me out though that the next ten years will involve my friends creating smaller versions of themselves because to be honest I don't know how much I like some of them. So that thought it really scary
well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
I am having telepathic thoughts with my cat. He loves me and wants me to blow his nose
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
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