my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
i have now learned nap means the same thing as sex in college
last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
my dad just told me he wants a furry wall in the house... i'm proud and concerned
I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
I ended up on the roof were calling it a tie
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
No, your dick is problems. Anyone you fuck haunts us for the rest of the semester. If you need to get laid, I'll personally drive you out of state.
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
I ain't lettin her quit anyway. We don't fuck enough for her to meet the housewife requirements
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
Randomize
