that john and kate plus 8 dude has ruined asians for me
Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
Memorial weekend is going to be amazeballs. Jungle juice, drunk guys, and my vagina being stimulated by the vibrations of a 4 wheeler. I mean there is no way that can go wrong.
I called for backup and had two guys carry him to the shower. The bigger guy offered to wash his hair.
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
Who are these men, what are we doing here, how is this helping us toward our goals of sex and pasta? Things to consider.
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
Do you have a moment to talk about our lord and savior, Kendra's boobs?
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
Randomize
