Omg. Budweiser tramp-stamp sighting @ Wal-mart. Best tattoo EVAR.
I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
I'm not saying I want a booty call. I just want what Cory and Topanga had.
it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
We shot off some fireworks at 12 and then I orchestrated the group singing of god bless the USA all while wearing a don't tread on me flag as a cape. I repped hard.
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
Dude random question. Where you with me when the vulture got electrocuted from the power lines and fell on the sidewalk in front of us?
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
DUDE FUCK CALL ME SHE HAS GRANDKIDS
Currently looking up Winnie-the-Pooh porn.
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
Randomize
