Ummmm the art teacher neighbor asked me to pose nude for her art class for cash.
You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
Just saw an Asian kid crash into the bike rack with his bike. I love sitting outside the engineering building.
I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
He said he was going to "rock my world". I wonder if he too has a false sense of confidence and accomplishment stemming from a complete lack of honesty from our own female counterparts.
As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
Randomize