break up sex still means we will always be broken up.
Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
I just typed in random letters on his address bar... 5 out of the 6....a porn site was in the drop down list hahahahaha get a life bro.
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
He's hot though. It's not like he JUST got out of prison. That was like months ago
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd.
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
Ive only just recently decided that NOT fucking you would be best for both of us.
One of my interns found me on Grindr. I'm really gonna make him earn the absurd amount of money I pay him.
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
whole 5th of capt = waking up in the shower after 2 hours and the whole house asking why i'm STILL in a towel. and me having nothing to say
Randomize