I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
I wish i had more things to dip in ranch... That's the most stoner thing i've ever said
I use him for alcohol and he uses me for sex. This is the closest thing to love i could imagine
Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
we did shots in class this morning as part of a presentation. WHY AM I LEAVING THIS COUNTRY?!
I mean, I thought you would respect me for turning your life around for the better. It seems just yesterday that I found you in a ditch with a cock in your mouth.
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz.
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
I was on tinder the whole time I was waiting for my pregnancy test results at the doctors.
I HAVE A STRAIGHT LINE ACROSS MY ASS ABOUT THE WIDTH OF A SLIM JIM. ERICA!
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
Randomize
