I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
He was in a gay KY jelly commercial. Jew male model. Reasons not to sleep with him. Go.
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
isnt this the same guy you hooked up with on his birthday and he then asked, "you were at me birthday?" the next time you were together?
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
So, left this guys house wearing a #1 Grandpa shirt and I think this is the best sex score I've ever had.
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
HELL YEAH TIME TO KICK THE CHILDREN
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
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