I need you to promise me that the first one to find out our kids smoke weed, takes the weed so we can smoke it ourselves
i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
we drove through mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu. We told the workers that were making Super Size Me 2, drove away without paying and told them to bill our producer.
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
Idk. Last year there was an ice luge, glow in the dark jungle juice, and lots of naked people. I feel like I'll get pregnant just thinking about going to that party.
Hickies on top of my hickies. I need a leash and/or a positive female role model
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
WHO ARE THESE GUYS WHY AN ORGRY ON A MONDAY LMAO
Whatever, ill dance on the bar at applebees, don't try and act like you're above it.
Unless you count my weekly workout where I drink wine, listen to obscure/cheesy records, and pretend I'm a ballerina...no. I don't exercise.
These snow days are takeing a toll on my liver
Well, I like big penises but it's not like he walks around with it out or anything so yes I think he has beautiful eyes
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