just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
she was home schooled till college. were she learned how to give the most amazing blowjobs is still a mystery.
Making a drinking game out of jeopardy does not mean you studied..
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
Like lay upon bear skin rugs, drink brandy and reminisce of the yesteryear's before a majestic fire place? Because those are my plans.
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
You're wasting your dick. It needs to be bestowed upon the masses.
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
I ACCIDENTALLY SUPER LIKED HIM. I JUST DELETED TINDER FROM MY PHONE.
3 hour lecture of my biology teacher talking about isotopes and space shuttles. I'm way too high for this.
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
Randomize
