I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
today is monday, i feel like we should do something illegal
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
i'm forwarding you the dirty picture of that fat girl that likes me sent . i feel like since youre my best friend you should puke in your mouth too .
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
I got pushed into some bald man in the pit and spent the next few minutes with my face against his head. Man I love ecstasy.
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
Nothing kills the mood like him going to slap my ass and he hits his balls at the same time
I HATE HIM SO MUCH I HOPE HE GETS IN SOME WEIRD ACCIDENT WHICH MAKES IT IMPOSSIBLE FOR HIM TO NUT
Some Romanian guy at work just told me "you come my house, we drink beer and you come make fuck with my sister"
If he's not there watching you go for it. It's been a while bro.
High school drama coach is wasted and wanted me to tell you that I’m good at flip cup and you should be very proud of me
Where the hell are you
Randomize
