I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
just saw a man remove a wedgie from his lady's ass. who says chivalry is dead.
we live in such a classy society.
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
oh god was she eating orange peels again
IM PICKING UP BLOW FOR US STOP WHINING ABOUT SEX
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
Thats not how it works. You get the Rachel, and then Rachel kicks you out. Don't linger or try to cuddle, its just pathetic and makes me look down on you and your penis
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
Randomize
