There was an extended period of my adolescent life where my friends and I would get high, drive around in my minivan listening exclusively to the wu tang clan, and intentionally crash into snowbanks
...So a 6 ft tall drag queen in heels I would kill for just told me I have a dunkable ass. I'm confused...but I'll take any compliment I can.
is wine microwaveable?
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
Im in Ft Meyers right now looking right at an alligator. I have had a couple of beers and people are telling me not to feed him but Im gonna do it anyway.
We left the bar in 2 bicycle cabs. It cost thirty bucks and they took us to the wrong hotel. When we finally made it to the right one we ended up in a room with three randos from alaska. Jammed out with them for like an hour. Those inuits are good guitar players
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
I feel like I put a fire out with my hand but idk if that was a dream or not
And I woke up by myself with peanut butter.. Cool
Nothing says "Happy New Year" like having to shit into a plastic bag.
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
Randomize
