Don't bone anyone, just think of ur vibrator lol
HHaaaaaaaaa mmmmn vibrator
Small dicks are the new regular sized dicks.
We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed.
all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
I'm pregaming with America's Best Dance Crew.
Do a shot everytime Lil' Mama mispronounces a word.
Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
You're the horniest male I have ever encountered
Makes it sound like you're a scientist documenting your discoveries. I warned you.
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
What did you do with the dog when you went into the club?
coat checked
Just to let you know we went to the circus yesterday...in case you didn't remember
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