I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
im using the astroglide sample u sent me as a bookmark for the book im using to write my midterm paper. i need to get laid. bad.
you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
I don't hate him I just hate being present to see him consume 80 dollars worth of alcohol and then try to tip people with left over money on a Walmart gift card
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
our next stoner-chievment: cream of shroom soup. Get over here, this is happening!
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
Lemme put it this way babe, at point you were naked in Target.
Where were you?
Laughing
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
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