i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
I'm going to shit on something weird... I can't wait
i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
And then I saw the naval officer and gave up that whole new leaf thing
its fine. mom just made me chug a long island. and made a crying face when i balked. we'll talk tomorrow.
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
I can't go to class, I have all this weed to sell
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
His boxer smelled like clean laundry while I was giving him head. It was delightful, like sucking a dick in a spring meadow.
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