No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
she tried giving me head in the pool. it was more entertaining than pleasurable
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
Just found my shirt from Saturday, got an automatic contact buzz.
My tits are coming out a minimum of ten times
Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
There's a mouse. In the house. By the cans. With some pans. Release the cat. To eat his hat. Sorry about the mess. Of my breakfest.
No but seriously, there's a fucking mouse in the house by the beer cans
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
I don't know what happened last night. But I just woke up in the high school boiler room
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
Randomize
