No matter how fun it seemed the night before you will always regret taking those pictures, you will always regret eating as much as you did, but you will never regret the great lengths you had to got to get those bruises.
OMG THIS GUYS LICENSE PLATE IS GETTNHRWET
I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'
i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.
I'm sorry. Both for you two breaking up and because I just ate some of your cheez it's.
if you really don't think our country's going to shit think of this. Exactly one year from now I will either be in law school or teaching young, impressionable kids, maybe even yours. Try to sleep after that.
Dont get mad at me, it takes two to tango
IT TAKES ONE TO EJACULATE INTO THE OTHER WITHOUT CONSENT, AND SPOILER ALERT, ITS THE ONE WITH A SCROTUM FULL OF SEMEN.
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
I think we have it figured out.. She's my wife when she's here and gives me advise on how to get ass when she's 1500 miles away.
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
I have seen you puke and 5 mins later rock my world. So there is hotness there that average people will never see..
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