I think I just puked all over my comforter and my roomdmate won't wakt up to washc it for me
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
It's been two weeks and I still have carpet burns on my knees. Well done.
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
I got a message from the hook up gods today that it's time to move on. It came in the form of me being shoved in a closet naked and stuck in there for 30 min well he watched boy meets world with his brother.
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
I had to bail out of the tour de Franzia because I have class Saturday morning. Grad school is ruining my life
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
These random guys found me. They told me not to wander in the woods and i remember saying 'am i fucking Bambi?! I'm not gonna walk into woods!' then i threw up.
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
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