WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
Stalkers don't have time for showers...it's a full time job
We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
I just asked the contractor building my house what it would cost to put a garbage disposal in all the shower drains...there was a lot of judging going on.
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
Dude, just be careful. Her invitation for BJ is just a trap for her to stick her finger up your ass.
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
I'm cutting her off I can't have my good name soiled with these kinds of shenanigans
Shit is preposterous
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
I needed to pee, so I climbed out his window
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
If your talking about a poncho I WANT ONE
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