apparently i started the naked brigade. and depantsed everyone who wasn't naked. her parents must hate me.
I was born with a shot glass in my hand
its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
once you get past the part where you think youre gonna die, its the most amazing drug ive ever experienced.
you kept looking at stripers and saying " Go to College"
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
sold 4 oz of weed today pantsless. man i love college.
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
And then he told me he was too tired for me to suck his dick. Physically and mentally too tired for me to suck his dick. What the fuck?
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
Did I get stoned on a sunday afternoon and speak to someone on the phone for an hour about cats and their behaviour? Glad you asked. And yes.
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
Randomize
