Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth.
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
I got home and laid by the toilet and then alexa laid in the bathtub and sang the preamble while kayla held my hair
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
We created a neighborhood watchdog drinking game
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
Go christen that room with your naked body.
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
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