I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
What's the protocol when you drive the girl's head into the wall during sex and she starts to cry?
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
I can't remember where my feet are. All I can see are colors, and all I can feel is terror. The lollipop was a bad idea.
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
Like I feel like I use my high IQ for the wrong things
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
So, seriously. How does it feel to know that you're riding a cock that was in kindergarten when you were going to prom?
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
Randomize