Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
He was a level 5 clinger dude i dont need to be told how ridiculously awesome i am all the time, if so id just hang out with my mom
The bar I'm at just passed out smores to everyone. I don't know what it has to do with cinco de mayo but I'm down.
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
That place is a DUI and an STD waiting to happen. I think I'll pass.
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
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