I dont kno what was worse. Waking up 2 a guy next to me thinking I got blackout or realizing it was your boyfriend.
So I had sex in the woods... it was just as dirty as you'd expect it would be.. and not in a good way.
Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
If that orgasm indicates how the rest of the year is going to go, I need to buy rain boots.
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
Randomize
