I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
walkin around the woods blazed, drawing pictures of trees and plants, i get a grade for this
i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
So to distract myself from jackies vomiting, im making up a story in my head. It's called the little penis that could
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
Like for real, is your junk ok? I have to look after my investments.
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
he just fucked me for my cheese..
Love waking up to a new contact named “Pizza” btw
Just saw a fat guy on a flower print moped. He's my hero.
Woke up with a bed full of sand...care to explain?
Isnt is self explanatory?
Randomize
