there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
my brother is a facebook fan of two things: God, and Rhianna. if he's not a prime example of the rare "baptist closeted gay," i don't know who is.
Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
yeah they are definitely having sex in that car. joe just yelled through the window telling them to do the "titanic hand print thing"
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
I'll pretend I don't know she's blind, my morals claimed the back seat in this adventure.
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
I don't think there's a ladylike way to tell this guy I want to sit on his face
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
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