I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
Do you ever go through someone elses pictures and just appreciate the fact that youre not really friends with them?
curled up in a ball on my bed listening to my "cuddle with a boy" playlist. prettty high.
I wonder if he just picks random boners to send or just the realy impressive ones
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
Don't be alarmed at the kitchen mess. I had to shoot the fire extinguisher on the toaster oven, one quick blast. It was a matter of safe over sorry.
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
I got kicked out of the hotel after wandering into the banquet kitchen at 2am trying to find the shrimp....so we're power napping in the car and then driving to madison.
He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
The squirrels are partying on my roof again. Now they're just rubbing it in that I'm home alone on a Saturday night and they're having orgies.
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
Awww I'm so proud! Starting friendships before you hook up!
Randomize