so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
Chef at hibachi place learned it was my bday and sprayed 20 second count worth of saki in my mouth. Not sure it was the right image to share with my kids, but thought you'd be proud.
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
I remember having the weirdest thoughts and thinking our room was a compass and we were in the compass or something.
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
I told him his only options were from behind or me on top. I was not about to mess up my $80 blow out before graduation.
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
I should not have moved in with him. He's got porn stashed everywhere like a homosexual squirrel.
You love porn!
Not in the sugar bowl when I'm making my Mom coffee I don't.
Pretty sure he proposed because my house is awesome. His ass is a ten and he's offering to pay more than half the bills... How expensive is a divorce really? I mean I could probably put up with him for three or four years but a lifetime is a big ask.
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