So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
some girl had on jean underwear. i hate america.
Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
The bathroom is trashed. Someone took down all the rings of the shower curtain and Scott threw up on the curtain liner. All the soap and shampoo is in the guest bedroom and the lightbulbs are in a drawer. And there are vom footprints.
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
yea, there's something about a stripper whipping you with your own belt that makes you think
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
my very deepest apologies for the unintentional cock block.
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
I don’t care how cute or big a guy is I’m done with drunken hand jobs. It was like I was pulling a nine inch bungee cord for 25 minutes. Now My arm and shoulder is dead
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