I want to have your abortion
She was so bad on top that i found myself watching a TV that wasn't even turned on
Dude we got so high last night. I said "watch this" threw a goldfish cracker in the toilet, and laughed my ass off. We watched the dvd menu for 30 minutes too.
surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
the last thing i remember saying is "hope you like body hair"
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
I kind of feel like BP. I'm dressed in green and absolutely horrible for the environment.
All I'm saying is that your next houseguest had better not barge in on me in the shower demanding I wash the stolen dye from his hair. I'm not doing that a second time.
Oh yea... In other news I've decided to get an external hard drive and start getting music from all the guys I'm fucking... Do you think a terabyte would be enough storage space?
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
Please don't think I'm weird for texting you this at 12:08 am but I just found another picture on the Internet where I think you can see his dick through whatever he's wearing
Over Bumbled last night. I think I set my dog up on a date Sunday afternoon. I have to drive him, meet the other dog’s dad and secretly drink a bottle of champagne from a “water bottle”. This is not what I expected 30 to be like.
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