I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
got delayed, meet you at the bar soon, found a shopping cart, i am now getting pushed to the bar by some guy that was peeing in the alley i found the cart in
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
Druken naked yoga : jus another ploy to keep your husbands eye in check
So that's all you want from me. Easy ass.
And an everlasting friendship
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
The fact that he said "there's nothing wrong with being a raging drunk, just ask my mother." has me thinking that I have no positive role-models among my friends.
we tried to exchange flip flops in the parking lot and fell over then army crawled home
I just sat watching friends in the bathtub by candlelight...nights like this make me wonder if I ever want to be in a relationship again
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
Randomize
