Do you still have your period?
she's walking around the room telling people she can make the room move with her mind and then she shakes her head really fast yelling 'see?!'
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
Just think Febushuary. A whole month of 70's esque bush! This is the dream
I just want to have normal problems like what kind of puppy to get, or should I pay a hooker to fuck Scott, or even a dilemma about fucking Twizzlers. I don't know.
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
woke up in your bed at 6 AM. on my way home I passed Nathan, bloody, barefoot, and still in a toga. He told me he woke up in a ditch then kept repeating "I'm totally bringing this up at meeting tomorrow". I'm proud of your frat today
He's practically not my boyfriend anymore. So let's go get some glitter, balloons, alcohol and forget this night ever happened.
How is there no taco emoji?! That's some bullshit.
I know I'm going to throw up tonight it's just a matter of when and where
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
The fact he has had a girlfriend for 5 years and they are trying to work it out isn’t going to stop me from sleeping with him. He said it himself you can’t cheat on someone you love...
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
Randomize
