be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
I'm pretty stoned, and for a second I forgot that I'm not actually Barbie and I was getting excited about all the fun we were going to have on my jet.
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
Lol I wish they went straight to your cock then shot out into my mouth like a cock nacho dispenser
Tackling and headbutting friends, running away and hiding from everyone, attempting to streak across campus, and then waking up with no sign of a hangover... happy 21 to me
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
I'm sorry I couldn't bail you out, apparenty they dont take credit cards over the phone. Did you at least make any friends in jail?
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
Randomize