Hey I found your number in my phone i dont remember how we met this is richard btw
strange i dont have your number must have been a drunk thing
could be more
absolutely not
Is it 'vaginas' or 'vaginae?'. Either way there were a shit ton of them.
My Nuvaring birth control makes me queef.
Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
12 trash cans filled with water. Beer cans floating in each, 12 ft apart. Dodgeball. Ultimate beer pong.
Rules. We have to wear superhero outfits
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
it's a rainbow of FUCK YOU
Randomize
