Busta Rhymes just yelled at me! He cut a song off and I was clapping and he looked right at me and said "don't fucking clap." I was that white guy.
I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
I saw a guy do a line this morning in line to start the 5k, happy thanksgiving!
nothing like having plan b for breakfast in a cvs parking lot before ordering this semester's textbooks
stop fucking thinking about him when there is A MILLION OTHER PENISES TO RIDE IN THE WORLD
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
I had a dream last night that Sam and Dean had to get rid of a murderous ghost haunting an elf on the shelf. I think I'm ready for Christmas to be over.
I don't want my vagina anymore.
Either it didn’t do much damage or I’ve lost all feeling in my asshole
you should just get a floor plan of your dorm and start checking off rooms.
You shoulda seen me try and clean up custard from an eclair off the floor while trying to pretend to be sober for my mom. Fucking hilarious.
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